Everybodys got something to hide except me and my monkey

1. got a speeding ticket-sucks.
2. cant kick this three wekk cough i had-sucks.
3. saw some good movies-cool.
4. getting cool with more people from work-cool.
5. hanging out with old friends-cool.
6. ran into alice and her boyfriend at work-weird.
7. somehow picked up the nickname bing-meh.
8. got stiffed twice at work-sucks.
9. cant find a real job-sucks.
10. enjoying being a waiter-meh

It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all,
I don't want to feel like this, Yeah,
No it's not meant to be like this, it's just what I don't need,
Why make me feel like this, it's definitely all your fault.



you're not supposed to be happy....

so works been keeping me as busy as hell so i havent posted in a cople days. ok.

1. I was driving by my old highschool the other day and coincidentally saw a kid wearing my old soccer jersey. I think that was the first time i had like a positive nostalgic moment for highschool. seeing somebody else wearing my jersey really made me wish i could go back to my days in highschool and back to life back then.

2. I bought the post secret book and i absolutely love it. I always loved post secret on the blog, but i really enjoy having the book becaue i physically have it too touch and show people when i try to explain it to them. I think post secret is such a beuatiful expression of art and emotion. So revealing and yet so anynomous at the same time. I think they're just amazing.

3. Work is going great. I made a ton of money this week, although i really didnt have a life, but whatever. the people i work with are really cool and definately make it fun. Im going to start chilling with a couple of them outside work, and its always cool to add new people to your circle of friends, so i should be entertained for the next couple weeks with some new people.

4. I totally forgot how much i loved G&A's. I've eaten there like five this week and it really doesnt bother me at all. I missed my sausage egg and cheeses at three in the morning.

besides that same old same old. another day another dollar, but tonight, i could really use a drink, so im going out to morristown to chill with moch's and her crew.

I have whored myself to the entity known as the cheesecake factory.

like i wanted a job and money, and dont get me wrong its good money, but i mean damn. im working ten days straight with doubles randomly, then a day off, then another 7 days straight with doubles. THey're crazy. Ill be lucky if i dont die. but atleast ill have money. and lots of it. cha ching!

honestly sometimes i really just feel alone.

Im always introverted. I always keep so much back. I put on faces when im around people so they like me, but im never myself. The few people i've been myself around have faded out or dissappeared from existence. And it seems that now i too am slowly becoming a ghost in the fog. white on white walking where no one can tell the difference between a shape and shadow. I'm losing my form.


I dont know where i got derailed, but it seems i've been off that tracks for awhile now. I wonder, will i ever get back on?

I really hate how you always had a way with messing with my head. Evertime i've been close to moving on with things and putting you in the past you always pop back into my life and totally mess with my head. So now we're not talking cause even you realized this time we cant deal with each other. As you put it "we love each other and hate each other all at the same time." Its so true... We love hating each other and hate loveing each other. So whatever i guess we'll just go our own way. your seeing other people. I'm seeing other people. we'll just turn our back stop talking and eventually we'll become complete strangers and be nothing more than a memory....cause we cant function any other way. goodbye.


"if you cant be with the one you love, love the one your with"

2 random thoughts.

-everyone should have a pet chaloopa.

-cheesecakes give me nightmares.

so im spending my night studying cheesecakes.....yeah i know it sounds sad. Cause it is sad...

I'm trying to get this waiters job at the cheesecake factory and they are like hardcore about knowing all their dishes and cheesecakes. All i gotta do to start working now is pass the servers test, but the only real problem is i have to know like 52 cheesecakes inside and out. Its fucking rediculous. I cant tell the difference between any of them. all i know is some are white cheesecake and some are chocolate cheesecake. Besides that they all look alike to me. I'm just thanking god this test is multiple choice because if it was fill in there is no way in hell i would ever pass this test. I think its funny im studying more for my servers test at the cheesecake factory than i did for any test i ever had at college. Thats kinda sad and pathetic. oh well. i need this job to pay the bills.

wish me luck.


oh and on a random note.....I really love the weather. I live in my hoodies, so im glad to see the cold weather is coming back. I cant wait for winter, the first snowfall, and snowboarding. I'll actually have time and money this year to go. Woohoo!

so for most people mondays suck. But my monday wasnt bad. it was awesome. I had nothing to do cause i was off from work and everyone i knew was in class or working so i did nothing but i did it with a smile. I woke, i got baked, and then i did absolutely nothing. I just laid back and enjoyed my monday.

ALthough it was 9/11, and i guess i should be all mourning and depressed and all in remembrance, but id rather just not even think about it at all. just move on. and leave it in the past. I dont feel like reliving the horrible event every year...ok im done.

God i hate my life in this town.

I really dont fit in this town. It seems like all the people i used to be friends with i cant stand anymore and anything that used to feel like home is foreign as hell. Its weird like going from college were i was on my own and with a ton of people i loved being around to dropped into a place i hate with people i can barely stand. But there is a cure i've found. The same cure that i used to make this place bearable when i was back in highschool. I just get fucked up as much as i can as often as i can and i can stand life here. When im outta my head, i cant think about how much i hate living here. Its just that simple.

oh, the only good thing about this town is i really fucking love the people im working with. They're all characters and crack me up. I needed people in my life to make me laugh everynow and then and im glad i atleast have them.